she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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