life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
