this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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