where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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