my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
