shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
