"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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