So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
