my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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