ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Boobs speak an international language.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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