oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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