I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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