The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
