i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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