I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
