I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
