thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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