I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
