The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
