Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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