don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize