I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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