My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
