I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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