dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
