Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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