I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
