it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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