Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
