sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
