at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
