You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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