I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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