my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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