I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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