i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
