my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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