do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
