I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize