i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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