i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
