All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
