My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
