she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
