In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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