The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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