i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
