Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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