Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
