I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
