Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
