i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need a beard to bite.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
