I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
