if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
