Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
