Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
