I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
