Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
