I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize