if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
