I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
