its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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