oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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