i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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