Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
