I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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