So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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