I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Randomize
