fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just forgot I was standing up.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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