Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
