yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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