Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
