I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
