remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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