Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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