My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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