They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
