There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
