And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
