It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
