So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
