Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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