so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
