i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
