I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
