Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
