If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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