my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
