would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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