i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
