Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
