Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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