Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
