It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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