Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
