I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
