If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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