FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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