He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
