i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize