the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
