I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
