either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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