i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize